How to be a quitter

An underlying theme coming out of the last year is quitting.

More people are quitting their jobs and their old habits. There are many examples such as the ones here and here and here.

“Back to normal” isn’t better

Quitting what doesn’t work is not failure.

If we didn’t learn anything from being forced to examine our lives that would be unfortunate.

We all lived through the pandemic in our own way. I had clients tell me that they felt bad complaining about the pandemic when they didn’t get sick, could work from home, were able to get outdoors and exercise. But well-being isn’t the absence of suffering. Well-being, according to Martin Seligman the father of positive psychology, is flourishing.

Well-being is the opposite of suffering

In the before times it was easier to put off looking after yourself for some magical day when you had time, energy, motivation, or until you were forced to.

Suddenly we were all forced to.

As a generalization to the response, people either embraced the change or gave up trying. More people starting exercising, the sales of home fitness equipment and bicycles sky-rocketed. Simultaneously so did the rates of alcohol consumption and junk food.

In coaching, these two types of strategies (though it is not usually so obvious) can be categorized as past protectors or future seekers.

Past protectors don’t want to change and they will do just about anything to keep the status quo. Denial, avoidance, ignorance, can all play a part in protecting the way things were.

When it comes to looking after their health, past protectors don’t want to see that there is another way. They prefer the good old days. Things were always easier before.

Future seekers are less resistant to change. They see the downsides, but also the opportunity for growth and something better, more fulfilling, or simply another chance to do it better.

Change is not a threat

Future seekers may not understand how or what to change, but they aren’t averse to attempting or failing.

For the last 25 years, I have watched people trade their health for time, money, power, status, family.

I can tell you I have yet to see one example when it has been worth it.

There is an expensive price for this deal. Some people do this knowing that it comes with a cost. Others are surprised to find that after a lifetime of overwork, stress, overeating, sedentary living that they can’t do what they want.

Better times

If there is a silver lining to this pandemic it is that many people have experienced another way of living. They didn’t have to commute for 2-3 hours a day and suddenly had time to exercise, eat better, spend time with their family. They didn’t have to “show up” and found that they were doing more of things that matter with less stress.

They could adjust their schedule to fit their lives, instead of the other way around.

If you were one of the lucky ones you escaped the pandemic without losing your health, your job, or family members. If you used your time to get fitter, eat better, sleep more, now what are you willing to give up to keep your healthy habits?

Are you a future seeker?

I have never believed in balance or having it all.

You can have some things, but not everything. If you want to be really good at something, something else will have to give. Look at any person you consider successful in whatever way matters, they don’t have everything, at least not all at once.

So what would you give up to get more of something else? What are you willing to quit?

If you do want to change, not slide back into the way things were, think about the following five questions.

1. What am I trading my health for?
2. When I say yes, what am I saying no to?
3. What is the real challenge for me?
4. What am I willing to give up?
5. In a year from now what would I regret?

If back to normal doesn’t sound better to you these questions are somewhere to start. Making life-enhancing decisions is hard. Well-being is not the absence of suffering. Thinking about what you want to do and who you would like to be, provide direction for personal change.

It doesn’t even have to mean drastic changes, maybe some small adjustments.

What would you quit to sleep better, lose weight, have more energy, feel good?

Change your mind, change your health,

Shayla